Separate Bathrooms Key to Success in Marriage?

Recently, for an interview with Esquire magazine, Sir Michael Caine declared that, in his forty eight years spent as a husband, he has found that the secret to a happy marriage is simply having two separate bathrooms—one for the wife, one for the husband. Caine declared that this was not out of a fear of anything womanly—not over-exposure to the female form, daily evidence of shaving, use of the toilet or exposure to feminine hygiene products.

Why Separate Bathrooms are Better

His explanation behind this key fact was that the amount of time and real estate the wife consumes in product placement in the bathroom overruns and overrules the limited amount of time the husband may require the use of the bathroom. Essentially, Caine has found that women require more tools, space and time in the restroom; this leaves the husband unable to use the bathroom when he is in need of it for just the few short minutes it takes him to get ready for the day. In addition to this, the sheer number of products used by the wife may overrun any space afforded for the husband’s few limited required products. Caine’s solution is to acquire two separate bathrooms, ridding the couple of any potential arguments on the topic.

A Popular Belief

Caine’s declaration prompted a response to be written, in the form of an article completed by The Telegraph. The article first notes that Caine is not alone in his belief. Mary Quant, inventor of the Miniskirt, made a similar declaration in 2004—that his and hers bathrooms are the secret to marriage. Alternatively, Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton, while married, occupy entirely separate houses. Bella Tellwright, an upmarket property expert with Notting Hill estate agents Crayson recently told The Telegraph that there should be one bathroom for every bedroom.

The article denotes that, in an ideal world, this would all not only be feasible, but very helpful. Who would ever want fewer bathrooms, instead of more? However, as the article denotes, it is a very rare occurrence that such things are affordable. The author himself notes that he and his wife barely manage to afford their small house, with their one bathroom. Sure, small petty issues erupt on the subject—mysteriously unnecessary candles, half-drank tea cups left lying around, squeezing the toothpaste from the middle and leaving shower puddles lying about. But, the author declares, none of these issues are marriage-ending worthy; they are simply small, petty, insignificant items that can easily be overlooked or rectified. To the author, Caine’s definition of requirements for success marriage is unattainable—requiring a large stack of money and an equally large house, in which to count said money. It isn’t true happiness.

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via Tim and Julie Harris

Approaches to a Good Relationship

It is not uncommon for an individual to be repeatedly attracted to similar types of people and it can be, therefore, relatively easy to fall repeatedly to the same mistakes.  It is important to work to not repeat mistakes—to learn from the past and apply those lessons to future choices and decisions.  To help with this uneasy task, The Huffington Post recently completed an article to provide some pointers.  First and foremost, it is important to find an awareness of one’s own history, back until childhood.  Learn how the unhealthy patterns chosen by parents affect the choices made now, particularly in regards to partners.  From there, the individual can move on to their own responsibilities and roles played in their choices.

The individual must accept the part they play in the relationship.  Typically, one person is the pursuer, who allows their fear of abandonment to control their demands for attention, while the other is the distance, who chooses to avoid intimacy based in complications from the past. Often, the individual finds their own methods in regards to intimacy to be the best option, and can end up resenting their partner’s methods as a result. Expectations must also be examined—an individual must focus on the reality and positives of their partners, instead of the dream or desire for what they wish the partner would be.  In addition, it is important to find someone with shared common values.  If a relationship is built between two people with drastically differing values, the risk of divorce is certainly increased.

Several of the hints are specific to the individual and are, therefore, in the individual’s control.  The person must let go of the idea of being the victim.  Instead, focus on the positives and methods of overcoming trials of the past.  Failing to rush is also crucial; the article specifically cautions dating someone for at least two years, and waiting to get married until at least in their late twenties, as to reduce the risk of divorce.  Don’t compare a current relationship to the relationships engaged in by friends and family.  Relationship envy can ruin a good relationship.  Positivity can also help, as those who wake up to see every day as a new day are more likely to approach a relationship with a steadier mind.  Fundamentally, focus on items that are within control; an individual cannot control an ex’s behavior, but can control choice in partner.

from Tim and Julie Harris Relationship http://ift.tt/1rurFnp
via Tim and Julie Harris